Cyborg In Da House
by amitakartok
Summary: A collection of omakes from Strategic Cyborg Evangelion.
1. The Present

_As the title indicates, I'll post various omakes from the universe of the Ascension tetralogy here. For those unfamiliar with it, Ascension is an Evangelion/Half-Life crossover fic attempted to be told in the style of Nobody Dies (although Gregg himself said it's more like ANE; I don't know whether he's right or not as I never read ANE myself - the Cthulhuverse is WAY too dark for my taste). It started off as a "for-want-of-a-nail" scenario of Second Impact coming too early and messing up SEELE's plans but diverges from canon quite far, fixing up some personal problems but far from fixing all of them (that wouldn't really be Evangelion, now would it?)._

* * *

**ASCENSION TETRALOGY VERSE 1 OMAKE**

**The Present**_  
in which Rei attempts to disprove the age-old belief of children being helpless_

* * *

_Tokyo-2, First Municipal Elementary School  
September 2, 2036 AD  
_

It was the first day of the new school year. As in pretty much every class, the third grade students were busily discussing each other's experiences during the summer break. Class 3-C had the same scene but the savvy observer would've noticed a lone girl sitting away from everyone else and generally ignoring everything around her.

Rei Ikari gave no sign if she noticed the general state of her classmates behind her. As with every day of the previous year and the year before that, she spent most of her time in school staring out of the window and thinking about things. The teachers often took issue with her inattention and after the first few times, realized there's simply no point in punishing the girl for apparent inattention as she always responded to the current subject in that quiet, collected manner of hers. Rei was unusually intelligent for someone of her age but this clearly translated into lack of social skills.

It was impossible to ignore when older kids started picking on her appearance even though she never asked any adults for help. The reason was rather obvious but after the request to her mother politely asking to stop the girl from dying her hair came back with the response that azure is Rei's natural hair color, the teachers just gave up and put the troublemakers in detention.

Most children just ignored her and even those who whispered things behind her back when they thought she couldn't hear (a **MAJOR** underestimation of her) couldn't get a rise out of her. In short, Rei quickly proved her deserving of the nickname _'yuki-hime'_.

Her thoughts briefly wandered back to the classroom where their homeroom teacher just entered, the Vortigaunt crossing to its desk with its signature gait. Rei highly respected their kind for they knew what she really was and never tried to patronize her for being a kid. Additionally, she couldn't read their thoughts even if she wanted to – a welcome break from her usual experience with the masses.

Plus the teacher didn't care about her not visibly listening to its lecture as long as she knew the curriculum and didn't disturb the class. The few surviving teachers from before Second Impact were initially skeptical about Vortigaunts working with children but once the aliens stopped speaking in their usual gruff and to-the-point manner, they proved to be a surprise. Especially since unlike human teachers, you can't lie to a Vortigaunt as to why you haven't done your homework.

"_**Greetings to the young ones.**_" – The Vort intoned in its species' trademark raspy voice.

"Hello, Kvasir-sensei." – The class responded in an enthusiastic tone. They almost unilaterally liked their teacher since he was somewhat less strict than others.

"_**I would like to ask how the summer passed.**_"

At the even more enthusiastic reply, Rei toned them out and her mind again wandered. She absent-mindedly started comparing the teacher's face to Unit-00's to pass the time until she was again interrupted by the teacher.

"_**I observed that an adequate part of class has had their days of birth in the summer period. I would like for everyone to write a list containing their acquisitions.**_"

Rei knew it was completely unnecessary and she knew the teacher knew as well; she didn't ask the reason, however. She long since learned that dealing with normal children of her age-group entails doing such things to direct their easily wandering attention to productive activities.

When the paper got to her, she briefly hesitated. As per her own request, Yui didn't exactly drown her in presents (not that she was interested in usual presents of children anyway) and her frequent occasions of overtime left the two with little time together. This was the case yesterday as well.

She didn't mind, though. Rei usually bought her presents herself, like the one yesterday. This ensured that the result is always satisfactory, unlike the inherent randomness involved in the traditional way.

Thinking back to that day, Rei let out an almost imperceptible smile and wrote a single line under her name before giving the paper forward. Looking out the window, she thought back to the events leading to the acquisition of her newest property.

* * *

_Tokyo-2, Outer District 8  
September 1, 2036  
1638 hours_

The warehouse was just like any other nearby: old, crumbling, abandoned. Those words could describe the entire district which reached back to the days of pre-Impact Old Hakone. The entire area was essentially a giant slum and an overall dangerous place where anyone could be robbed, raped and/or killed, in any combination of the above. Those living in the more prestigious inner districts were advised to give a wide berth to the area.

So it came as a surprise to the locals that a nine year-old girl was marching with a purpose towards the building. It wasn't her azure hair or her freezing glare but an unexplained unseen presence about her that translated the message clearly: 'stay away from me if you know what's good for you'. They all knew what was in the building and avoided it out of fear from being singled out by the gang operating in the area.

Inside the building, the sound of flesh hitting flesh was followed by a man being pushed against the wall. He wiped the trickle of blood off the corner of his mouth before angrily retorting. – "I told you already, the shipment hasn't arrived yet!"

His efforts gained him another punch, knocking him to the floor. His attacker just smirked before responding. – "The boss doesn't care about your shipment. You want our protection, you pay. We say you pay now, you pay now."

"But I CAN'T! Give me just a week more, I'll pay double if you want!"

The racketeer ran out of patience and lifted the man. – "Listen up, you fuck. I said we don't care-" – He was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. – "Go away, asshole!" – He turned back to his would-be victim. – "Fork over that money or there would be... complications with our business."

"I don't get it, I just paid two weeks ago. Next payment's won't-" – He received a fist into his stomach that turned his words into a strangled groan.

Another knock sounded, this time a bit louder. - "I said go away! We're doing business in here!" – The racketeer turned to his companion. – "Go check who's tryin' to stuck their heads somewhere they shouldn't be."

"Got it." – He strolled to the door and looked out of the peephole. He frowned. – "No one's here."

"Good. Idiot probably got our message. As for you... if you really can't pay, I'm afraid we have to rectify that. We'll come by next week and you'll pay us triple or you're gonna see just why is it a bad idea to not-" – He was interrupted again by a loud rapping on the door. – "Fucking bastard, just can't get a break... Go outside and teach him a lesson!"

"Right." – The man reached for the handle but a split second before he reached it, a loud crash was followed by the door flying off it's hinges, catching the thug squarely in the face and pushing him on his back.

"The fuck-?" – the extortionist tried to see who was it but the kicked-up dust swirling in the air made the person standing in the doorframe nigh invisible.

The manager suddenly heard a small voice in his head saying – "Get down." – Normally he would dismiss such a thing but he had no time to stop and think over; he obeyed.

His intuition was his salvation as moments later the thug was hit by a dozen bullets as an automatic weapon with a high rate of fire swept the room with devastating accuracy. The man simply collapsed with a yell, bleeding all over. The attacker slowly walked out of the dust and the manager was surprised to see the small form of a girl casually stepping over the dead thug before asking in a quiet voice – "Are you unharmed?"

"Uh... yes." – He looked at the smoking Micro-Uzi in her hand. – "Did you...?"

"If I assessed the situation correctly, you were being targeted for extortion."

"Ah, don't mind that."

The girl tilted her head to the side a bit before responding. – "As you wish."

From the corner of his eye he noticed the other thug getting up and reaching for his weapon. He opened his mouth to warn his young savior but before the warning could've left his mouth, the girl fired the rest of the magazine over her shoulder into the thug's head without looking, splattering the wall behind him crimson with blood and pieces of brain matter. All of it happened so fast he hadn't even saw her move.

"Holy shit..." – was all the wide-eyed man could say.

"It is of no consequence. I am here to purchase."

He got up and dusted himself off. If this girl was a customer and had the money, he didn't care who she was. – "What do you have in mind?"

"Four hundred rounds of 9x19mm Parabellum and a special request, please."

"Special request? Girlie, I just had two guys nearly blowing my brains out for not paying them ahead of time; I'm kinda short on money right now. Besides, I'm not a bank."

"Money is not a factor."

THAT got his attention instantly. – "Shoot."

"I am looking for a weapon. Long-range, high penetration power. Weight and recoil are not an issue. 12.7x99mm NATO cartridge preferred but not required. Do you have recommendations?" – The girl rattled off her preferences in a quiet and almost bored tone.

"Well then..." – the black market arms dealer folder his arms. – "... you've come to the right place."

* * *

_Next day_

The list went around and finally returned to the teacher. He went over the list and asked a few questions from various children.

Near the end of the list, he almost continued scrolling when realization struck and he went back a line.

_**Barret Firearms M82A1 .50cal Anti-material Rifle**_

He looked at Rei Ikari with the best approximation of a raised eyebrow a monoptic alien can muster but said nothing.

Next to the window, Rei continued staring outside.


	2. Valentine Shenanigans

_Another little omake to Ascension. This one happens after verse 2 chapter 9 so I recommend reading up to that or you'll really have no idea what's going on._

* * *

**ASCENSION TETRALOGY VERSE 2 OMAKE**

**Valentine Shenanigans**  
_in which Kaworu finds out being a bishie has drawbacks_

* * *

_Tokyo-2, Third Municipal High Scool  
February 13, 2042 AD_

"Good morning, Asuka." – chimed Hikari as Asuka stalked into the classroom.

"Morning..." – the blonde growled in response before sitting at her desk without looking at anyone.

Mari and Hikari just glanced at each other; they recognized the symptoms. – "What did Nagisa do this time?" – the former asked casually.

Asuka sent her a withering glare but finally answered. – "He left for school with that bitch Ikari."

"Jealous?" – Mari quipped with a grin.

"_**I'm not!**_" – Asuka snapped without missing a beat, instantly going into rant mode. – "If he's not going to come, he could at least _tell me_ instead of having me wait for him like a total idiot! But nooo, he **HAS** to go after his balls instead of his head _**all the time**_, doesn't he?"

Hikari was about to offer her own insight into the matter when the teacher came in and she switched to class rep mode.

As the class began, Mari began thinking of a way to offer her friend some satisfaction. It was almost the first period when she admitted she had no idea how to get back at the boy without Rei shoving a gun in her face. _'Wait a second, isn't tomorrow...?'_ A devious smirk blossomed across her face as she quickly brought up the instant messaging program on her school-issue PDA/tablet and sent a short message to Kensuke asking for a way to send untraceable messages with the same program. As the instructions started arriving, her smirk widened into a full-blown grin. _'This is going to be interesting...!'_

* * *

_Next day_

Valentine's Day. Once a time of commemoration for one of the first martyrs venerated by Christianity since 496 AD, it was also the day for celebrating the elusive spectre known as love. Somewhere along the way it gained many traditions associated with expressing that love to another. This time however one of those traditions proved to be quite bothersome to one person...

"_**KAWORU-SAMA, I BROUGHT THIS JUST FOR YOU!**_"

"_**NO, TAKE MINE!**_"

"_**NO, MINE!**_"

"_Leave me alone, damnit!_"

All the students in the school were quite surprised at the yells that washed down the corridors, underlaid by what sounded like a horde of Xen Gargantuas marching outside. Those who happened to be in the right place at the right time were the only ones who saw the reason: a single, desperate boy being chased by dozens of girls who did their best to outvoice each other while thrusting their boxes and packets of chocolate towards their target. The general reactions of onlookers was surprise and confusion... except for one Mari Makinami who was laughing her ass off. The chase went through all levels and corridors until the boy managed to momentarily get out of sight and dodge into the roof access staircase.

"What... the hell... is up with... all those... crazy chicks?" – Kaworu panted as he scaled the stairs three steps a time, finally stumbling outside and almost falling face-first into the snow accumulated on the school building's roof.

"I believe I may provide clarification." – remarked Rei as she casually walked out from behind him.

Kaworu stood silent and motionless for a few seconds before sighing. – "You _really_ should stop doing that, sis... figured you'd be here. What do you mean?"

"I am not familiar with customary activities on this day. However, I have aquired information from several sources; information claiming a rumor that whoever gives you gifts of chocolate first will receive what is knows as a 'kiss' from you."

Kaworu was flabbergasted. – "_What the f-?_ I never agreed to this!"

"Shall I rectify the situation by force?" – Rei asked as she pulled out a small knife from her sleeve, idly twirling it between her fingers.

Kaworu was about to say no when a pair of slash harkens tore through the safety fence and embedded themselves in the roof. He already knew _who_ was coming and contemplated escape which was quickly forgotten as the red battleframe vaulted over the edge and landed right between him and the roof access. – "**KAWORU NAGISA! COME RIGHT HERE, YOU BASTARD!**"

"Oh...shit." – he croaked, his will to live already fading. _'Not her...! Anyone but her!'_

"**DON'T 'OH SHIT' ME! I KNEW YOU ARE A PERVERT BUT YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!**" – Asuka seethed from the cockpit as she flexed the Durandal's hands in preparation of snapping the target of her annoyance like a twig.

"Wait just a damn moment! I've got nothing to do with this!" – he tried to protest, to no avail.

"**DO YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?**" – The battleframe lunged at him but at the last moment, Rei grabbed Kaworu's neck and yanked him after her as she slid between the machine's legs. With nothing to stop its momentum, the mecha met the staircase with a loud crash. Using the momentary distraction, Rei snatched Kaworu into a bridal-style carrying pose and leaped off the roof. – "**HOLD STILL, YOU LITTLE PRICK! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!**" – Asuka hollered as she yanked the battleframe's arms out of the wall, spun around... and saw nothing. – "_What the-? Where the hell did he go?_"

* * *

"Thanks, sis. I owe you one." – breathed Kaworu as Rei put him down.

Rei merely nodded and dusted herself off. – "I advise you to keep moving. If you can avoid discovery until pilot Shephard calms down, your chances of survival will increase drastically."

Kaworu sweatdropped. – "Gee, thanks. What about-" – he started but as he turned around, the girl was nowhere to be seen. – "How the heck does she even do that?" – he murmured to himself.

"_THERE HE IS!_" – came the distant cry, causing him to groan and start running in the opposite direction.

* * *

Rounding the last corner to the school's entrance, Kaworu spotted Touji and Kensuke in his way. – "Guys, hold 'em off!" – he hollered as he speeded past them.

"Wha-?" – they asked in synch before they heard the noise. The two just had enough time to turn their heads and scream in terror before the stampede of girls swept them away.

* * *

Kaworu was starting to get really desperate, not to mention thoroughly frozen over. While he finally managed to lose the girls pursuing him, he was still on the lookout for Asuka as well. There was no sign of the girl yet and knowing her, he was starting to suspect she planned something special to punish him. _'She's not off to fetch that thing's autocannon... is she?'_ Rei disappeared off to somewhere as well, leaving him to fend for himself. On top of all this, his hasty escape resulted in him fleeing the school in only his shirt which meant the cold was starting to get to him as Second Impact's environmental effects meant the air rarely went above freezing before March.

He was starting to consider taking shelter in his followers' safehouse, not realizing he didn't prepare for the worst of all options when a familiar rumbling reached his ear. His jaw almost fell off. – "You've gotta be kidding me... she wouldn't have-!" – He spun around and looked at the source of the shadow that just covered him.

"_**Yes, I did!**_" – replied Asuka with a victorious smirk as Unit-02 floated over the street and stopped, its flight thrusters instantly melting every single crystal of snow below it as well as warming up the air considerably – not that Kaworu found any consolation in that fact. – "_**I told you I'm not through with you yet, didn't I?**_"

"Uh... what will your father say when he hears you jacked your Evangelion from the cage without asking anyone?" – he asked weakly as he knew at this point, no argument will get her to back down.

"_**I'll worry about that AFTER I kicked your ass!**_"

Kaworu immediately spun on his heels and fled for his life. _'How the hell did she managed to get A-type equipment onto it, anyway? It usually takes about half an hour to switch gear on my Eva!'_

* * *

"That idiot... how long until he realizes there's no way in hell he can run away from something that can fly at transsonic speeds?" – Asuka grumbled in annoyance as she followed the fleeing boy above the street. _'I have to remember I'll need to thank Castor for this.'_ The Vortigaunt was surprisingly receptive to her stated intention for needing the Evangelion and even hacked the MAGI to launch Unit-02 without the usual technician crew overseeing the process. She had no idea why but she supposed even the alien had a sense of humor... although she couldn't bring a beam rifle as well. Too hard to conceal and all that; she already had to deal with hundreds of slack-jawed civilians ogling the Eva as soon as it emerged from the elevator shaft and took off but that was the slightest of her problems right now.

"**Squashing him like a bug is going to be VERY satisfying...**" – cooed Sekhmet in delight.

Asuka frowned. – "Forget it. Capturing him alive takes highest priority!"

"**That's boring. Let's just kill him instead!**"

"I said no."

"**Then what do I get to kill instead?**"

"Would you just shut up? I'm trying to think around here!" – Asuka shot back, annoyed.

Naturally, it only served to aggravate the Evangelion further. – "**Don't you dare talk down to me, girl! I won't shut up, I can't! I. MUST. HAVE. BLOOD! If you're not going to kill him, then kill someone else, anyone! If all else fails, just kill me and eject!**" – the AI snarled.

"What the hell are you taking about?"

"**I told you already, I ****MUST**** have blood! Khorne cares not whence the blood flows as long as it flows aplenty! I can't honor His name if all I do is foolish things like 'capturing' and 'defending'! Attack, kill, SLAUGHTER! That is my Holy Trinity!**"

"Don't give me that crap again, I'm not in the mood for it. Speaking of which..." – She looked out and saw a running Kaworu over a city block away, trying to take advantage of her distraction. – "I'm tired of this chase." – She idly commanded the shoulder racks to open and shot both slash harkens into the street ahead of her target, forcing him to stop in an intersection. – "End of the road for you, now c'mere. I promise I won't kick your ass... much." – she giggled.

In one moment, the situation looked utterly hopeless for Kaworu as he'd seen first-hand how much damage a combatant of such size can take (mainly from how long it took Israfel's familiars to peel off the armor) and wasn't really helped by the fact that A-type equipment only mounted light armor due to weight issues while flying. He doubted he could even scratch it and he didn't want to do anything that might seem... _unnatural_... in front of anyone but Rei, in accordance to her wishes. And he had an inkling that letting out his claws or chucking a car at Unit-02 would definitely be an unnatural occurrence.

Then in the next moment, one of the Evangelion's four eyes exploded into a cloud of blood.

Inside the entry plug, Asuka winced and involuntarily clutched her forehead as the synchronic pain set in. – "What the hell?" – Her first reaction was to suspect Kaworu but the rational half of her mind immediately dismissed that.

Sekhmet cursed loudly. – "**Optical receptor no.3 damaged. If I find out who just shot me in the head...!**"

* * *

On the side road, Rei cocked her tank rifle and turned the bike back on course towards Unit-02 before taking aim again. Her next shot hit the Evangelion in the other right eye, disabling its periphery vision. Satisfied with the result, she stopped at the intersection and killed the engine before getting off.

"_**What the hell do **__**you**__** want?**_" – growled Asuka from the Evangelion.

Rei said nothing but calmly walked between the combatants before facing Unit-02 and chambered the next bullet, all without saying a single word. The message was obvious: 'leave him alone or face the consequences'.

Normally that wouldn't have made any effect on Asuka but Sekhmet chose this moment to interject. – "**Damn it, fun's over... incoming priority message.**"

"_**PILOT SHEPHARD, WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING?**_" – came Yui's extremely pissed yell.

Asuka winced. _'Oops. She found out.'_

* * *

Kaworu was quite surprised when the Evangelion suddenly turned around and blasted off towards the nearest Geofront entrance without a word.

Rei was about to follow when she noticed Kaworu staring at her. – "What is it?" – she asked innocently.

"Facing down an Evangelion with just a sniper rifle..." – He shook his head in disbelief. – "You're one crazy chick, sis." – He looked at where Unit-02 disappeared over the rooftops. – "Man... I wouldn't want to be in her place when the colonel finds out about this!"

"I suppose so." – she affirmed. – "I believe I have found the person responsible for this incident."

* * *

"H-how did you know?" – stuttered Mari as Rei pinned her to the wall with a knife at her throat.

"Irrelevant." – Rei dismissed her as she increased the knife's pressure ever so slightly. – "Desist with such actions or I shall take consequential measures. It is fortunate I did not have to restrain pilot Shephard from harming Kaworu or I would target you next as instigator."

"Hey, I only wanted to cheer Asuka up! I never thought she'd flip out like that!" – the busty girl protested, Rei having told her the short version of what transpired.

"In that case, perform actions that achieve the desired result without needlessly involving another person. Do not instigate such public disturbances against him or your life will be forfeit." – To emphasize her point, Rei pressed the blade just enough to make the other girl hiss in pain before releasing her. – "It would be unfortunate if I were to protect him with lethal force."

"You really would do that, wouldn't you?" – Mari asked as she rubbed her neck and dusted off the back of her skirt.

"You do not want to know." – Rei stated darkly before stalking off.

Mari had a feeling the other girl wasn't kidding.


End file.
